Waiting on the Kendall Clan addition

Bruce Kendall: Family comes first

by Caroline Botting 2009

The Olympic hero is gearing up to ride the wave of fatherhood

At 44, Olympic gold medallist Bruce Kendall reveals what many men won't - the tick-tock of his biological clock is getting louder.

So when his fiancee Stephanie Hogan revealed that she's expecting a baby, Bruce was ecstatic with the knowledge he was about to become a father. But the brother of fellow Olympic medallist Barbara Kendall soon felt overwhelmed with responsibility.

‘At some stage in your life you're supposed to feel mature enough to have children, and I still really don't,' Bruce says with a smile. ‘People talk about women having a biological clock but don't discuss it much about men, but we do. At some stage we're not going to be able to run, sail or go surfing properly with our kids. I'm already 44, so I knew the time had to be sooner rather than later.'

Stephanie can't help but smile as she wraps her arms around the man she fell in love with six years ago. His blue eyes sparkle as she takes his hand and places it on her swollen belly. In a matter of weeks, the pair is due to welcome their baby girl into the world.

‘We both wanted to find out the sex. It's like having a parcel and not opening it for nearly a year,' says Stephanie, who was raised in the South Island. ‘We were trying for a boy but we've got a girl, which is fantastic.'

The couple's enthusiasm about their new journey is clear. Parenting-advice books are stacked on the coffee table in their granny flat, situated under a cliff-top house at Auckland's Bucklands Beach. The home, owned by Bruce's parents Tony and Peggy, has been in the family for two generations. It's here, looking over magnificent views of the Tamaki Estuary and Rangitoto Island, that Stephanie will give birth.

Family support

‘At home, you have control of the environment, you also have two midwives and in addition, I'm going to have a student, plus support people,' she says.

The couple has chosen Peggy as well as Bruce's older sister Wendy to be by their side during Stephanie's labour. And Barbara has been offering her support and advice as well.

‘She can't wait to be an aunty again,' Bruce says. Stephanie adds, ‘I'll certainly have lots of babysitters.'

The 31-year-old site administrator for a sustainable land management company describes her pregnancy as smooth and risk free. She hopes to deliver their daughter in a birthing pool without pain relief.

‘There are lots of ways you can deal with pain,' says Bruce, who has pushed his body to the limit many times in his sailing career.

Stephanie says, ‘We've got Rescue Remedy and Tens [a machine that provides electrical impulses through the skin to relieve pain and discomfort]. I've been practising relaxation and visualisation techniques. Most of the pain you're dealing with is mental. It helps if you can focus your mind. I don't think I could do this in a hospital environment or even at Birthcare.'

The duo is on the same wavelength about their baby's delivery, and they share a similar philosophy on children.

‘It's the closest people can come to having any sense of reincarnation, because you're replicating your own genes,' Bruce says.

‘I also believe there's a responsibility to have children if you're able to create good people.'

Stephanie adds, ‘But we're only having two, to replace ourselves.'

The pair laughs, realising how much they have in common. But Bruce can't resist reminding Stephanie about her initial thoughts on marriage. During the fledging stages of their romance, Stephanie threatened Bruce with, ‘Don't ask me to marry you, or I'll leave.'

‘I had a feisty feminist mum,' grins Stephanie, whose mother Polly will fly out from where she's teaching in Qatar the week after her granddaughter is born.

Tough decision

Bruce, now an Olympic youth board-sailing coach, met Stephanie at Great Barrier Island, Port Fitzroy Mussel Fest in 2003.

‘He was in shorts and a white, semi-grubby shirt, straggly hair and unshaven,' Stephanie says. ‘He was all tanned from the sun and had these beautiful hobbit-like feet and a big grin.'

Bruce recalls, ‘Unlike my other girlfriends she liked my kind of music. I saw her dancing and she had some smooth moves.' The pair swapped contact details at the end of the night.

‘His email looked like brokendoll@...co.nz. I thought, "That's so sweet - a gentle, arty adventurer!"' Stephanie laughs.

It wasn't long before Stephanie's friends told her that her broken doll was a renowned sportsman. She was based in Wellington, so the pair had a long-distance relationship for the next year. Then Bruce asked her to join him at the 2004 Athens Olympics, where he was coaching.

‘I shifted to Auckland, left all my stuff at the flat, got on the plane and never looked back,' Stephanie says.

But Bruce confesses he hadn't forgot Stephanie's warning never to propose.

‘I wanted to make a formal commitment but it would be horrible to ask and be told "No",' Bruce says. ‘I think some guys find it easy to make this decision, but for me, any sort of change is a bit spooky as it's the unknown.'

On a beautiful day last September, the couple sailed to the Noises, a group of islands in the Hauraki Gulf, where Bruce popped the question.

‘My heart was pounding,' Bruce recalls. ‘I was definitely relieved to hear, "Of course I will".

They swore themselves to secrecy for six weeks so Bruce could ask Stephanie's dad for his daughter's hand. When they were finally able to break the news to Bruce's family, the couple surprised them even further by telling them Stephanie was pregnant.

‘We were really surprised how quickly it happened,' she says.

Now there's another life-changing decision to make. Bruce has been asked to coach board sailing in Hong Kong, and they're seriously considering the move.

‘The problem is I'll really miss my family, especially at this time,' Bruce says. ‘I would prefer to live and work in New Zealand, but the reality is it's pretty tough to coach and earn a good living. I have Steph and the baby to consider, and they're my top priority.'

By Caroline Botting

LINKS 

http://nz.lifestyle.yahoo.com/b/newideanz/3842/bruce-kendall-family-comes-first/

 http://www.62management.com/

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